I don't sleep much. Not because I am too busy, but because I just don't really want to. I'm exhausted all day, I get home, and could go straight to bed. But I stay up, thinking.
I keep doing the same things, over and over. I keep losing people by pushing them away, or having them drift further and further. I'm always scared to cut ties, because I don't want to sink back into myself. I try not to let myself get too dark. But I've reached a turning point, or a tipping point, or a point of no return.
Whether I like it or not, it's what I have to do. I have to go under.
I think about other people too much. I worry and miss them and put all I have into comforting them and giving them a point of positivity to draw from. I give my life too often. I can't allow myself feelings anymore. I have to go under.
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