Comforter

Did you wish that they'd disappear
and just go to hell,
never to return?
Do you wish the sky would open
and endless rain would come,
wash them all away?

It's just like I do
It's just like I feel
It's just like I hurt
It's just like I wished
It's just like I do
It's just like I feel
It's just like I hoped
It's just like I wished

Lilting upward,
and frozen by sight,
a prophet stumbles.

The trees hang low,
breaking their spines
to turn over,
and the road ahead
pulls his inflection
to sink lower.

The waves are always shaking;
bending and breaking, but trembling.

Baobab

Constantly and cyclically erupting and sinking back into a veil of fog.  I feel like I'm way too old already.

I don't push myself to connect with people, but I always seem to be put into the position of absorbing them and understanding them in their own nuances.  I still have trouble expressing myself honestly because I instantly think it won't be understood, so I dance around the words or make something up completely different, as an avoidance mechanism.  A lot of things end up becoming avoidance mechanisms.

And when I reach those breaking points, the veil clears and I can see something different in myself.  Even when you're thousands of years old, you still have growing to do.  And it's no longer a question of ego or being accepted; of finding your place or surviving.  I feel like I can reach closer to myself.  But there's still a lot of distance to go.

Ir(e)on Heart

Flood in
Consume me
My wounds welcome you here
The cold comforts this fall

Flood in
Consume me
Embrace this hull
and carry me

Drifting down
The stars fade away

These new dreams;
I rust and erode here, alone
Alone in the cold

Take me now,
to bury me under your fathoms
To feed on my black iron heart...

The sea and the salt will corrode
and join us together as one
Rust this hull down
Rot my iron into the sands
Dissolve these bolts into the past
Rust this hull down
Rust this hull down
Rest this hull down
Rust this hull down
Rest this hull down

--
Vast and endless,
you are the sea,
calling me against the waves
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Trying not to attack(h) myself.

I'm scared of going off of my medication.  I've never been afraid in the past, and I've gone off of much higher doses.  I shouldn't even be worried about it.  I cling to it too desperately.  But I've also never been this isolated, with no one to care for to help me feel sane.  No one to care about me.  These are the hills and dark valleys of my life.

Trying not to attach(k) myself.

I don’t know the reason I follow the same paths over and over.  I hope for something different every time.  And while I wander, I don’t really move.

It takes something special to remind me that there is real beauty in the world.  Something so singular that I forget it exists most of the time.  If there is a pinnacle to the Human mind, then it has to be some kind of artistic, abstract appreciation for real, concrete beauty.  For something real that exists only in the ether.

A Dying Wish

I bear the seed
of ruin
A golden age
turned to stone;
Elysium, to dust

For this,
a tragic journey
A vision
of a dying embrace
Scattered earth
Silence

Where Echonia wept,
I sank into the silent desert

Fallen am I,
in the solitude
of a broken promise
I cried alone

My empyrean is a scar
from the memory of a beautiful life
Forever was her name

Fulfillment lost
in a lifetime of regret
Ornate peace
would cover me,
as I would die now
for one last wish